"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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