I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
