it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
