Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
