is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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