So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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