I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
