it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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