He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I need to align my fucking chakras
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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