At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i think i just lost a toe
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
