Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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