Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
