Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
