I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
