I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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