He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You are a booty call, not a friend.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
