so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
