Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
