U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
