My nipple is on Facebook.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize