my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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