Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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