I think scott just propositioned me for sex
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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