Duck Duck Cougar?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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