Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
