Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
