so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
