Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
