i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
