Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
