so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
