The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
