At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
