If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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