the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
