apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
