it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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