Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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