oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
