And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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