I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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