do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
