Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
