from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
