I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
