I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i drank out of a bidet.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
