I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
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We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
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My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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