Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
well you can't waste a boner
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
