I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
