You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
