Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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