NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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