i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
