I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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