Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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