i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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