She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
