I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
