i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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