what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize