someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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