May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
