They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
