I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
