yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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