accomplished twins. life is a go
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
