I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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