you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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