Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My boob is missing a layer of skin
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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