She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm too high and old for this...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
