My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
