I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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